There was a time, when a few little white pills rested snuggly in my pocket, just in case I may need them.
This is when I lived my life in what I call “What If…”.
Living in “What If” simply means, living in Fear. “What if” this happens or that happens.
“What if” is a horrendous way to live, paralyzing, stifling, debilitating.
“What if” is NOT living.
BX (Before Xanax) My First Panic Attack
Driving along the Gulf coast, windows down, the sea breeze tickling my 24 year old nostrils, wind whipping my hair……….suddenly……..I couldn’t breathe. I could not catch my breath. My head started spinning. I thought I was dying. It was as if a spell had abruptly been cast, and I would melt down into nothing. I frantically asked if we could pull over. Running inside the gas station gasping, frantic, and confused; the alarmed cashier lovingly cared for me and called 911.
In the ambulance, the attendant was so dumbfounded by the nonexistent attention given by my mate, that the simple art of starting an IV became a bloodspill murder scene as the vehicle swayed to and fro.After the harrowing transport and a few hours in a hospital bed, I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia.
What! I was dying!
I ingested my prescription: a banana which I shamefully gobbled down.
The consistent digestion of high sugar foods was not decreasing the episodes of fear induced, air flow suffocating, irrational anxiety that continued to torture my existence. I was beginning to be afraid to go out of the house, “what if” the tragic feelings overcame me again?! These physical invasions were ruining my life!
Someone mentioned panic attacks, a psychological condition that created fatalistic physical manifestations for no apparent reason.
You mean I am crazy?
The psychiatrist visit confirmed anxiety induced panic attacks, very common, not crazy. Thus started a life coping method of antidepressants, because “what if” ruled my psyche and Xanax filled my pockets. No matter where I was or what I was doing, I was consumed with locating the nearest exit, or internally orchestrating methods of flight in any given situation just in case the bad feelings would come.
It is a battle of the mind that plagued me on and off for 15 years.
This story does not remain a tragedy, for I have not had a panic attack now for at least 6 years, and I know I never will!
I no longer carry any little pills in my pocket.
I go anywhere I want and do anything I want.
I do not allow negative thoughts to have any foothold in my head.
My Mantra last year was: Face Your Fears Until You Don’t Have Any!
From motorcycle riding classes, to a hot air balloon ride, to couch surfing on a solo vacation, to spending Christmas with strangers in Cancun, I live Happy & Free!!!
How did I go from Fearful to Fabulous? (this could be an entire book, but here are some ideas, and my entire blog is filled with happy things to nurture happy living)
1. You have to be fed up with your current desperate state.
2. You have to decide to be done, and envision your new wonderful life with all the Conviction your heart can muster, believing that your spirit is stronger and more powerful than this silly made up stress.
3. You have to create a daily support system for yourself. (counseling, support groups, mentors, friends)
4. You have to live in balance. Balance must be tackled in work, play, eating, and exercise. No over working. No over eating. No over drinking. No over doing anything! Be good to yourself! Eat incredibly healthy! Dance!, or whatever moves you! You will start to feel amazing!
5. You have to make the process fun. You have to see the whole project as a fun new adventure. Whether you are eating something fresh you have never tried or attempting a new form of exercise, do it with excitement and wonder.
If you are dependent on any form of artificial mood enhancement, know you are not alone, and it is possible to be Fearless and Fabulous! It’s going to require a relentless pursuit with fierce determination, but it is so worth the fantastic life waiting for you! If I can do it, you can too!!!
For an extra boost, my 10 Steps to Greatness journal can get you on track right away! (available on all the various app stores)
Release to Unleash!
Have you experienced Anxiety attacks? Have you overcome, how?
If you carry Xanax as I used to, commit to making one step from Fearful to Fabulous today by sharing it with me!