Spiritual Addiction and Spiritual Bullying….Guilty?
What is a Spiritual Addiction and how does one know if they have one or not?
This addiction is subtle (like all addictions). It sneaks up on us (like all addictions). It comes from the bliss of a better life, better choices, and feeling great after having been transformed by Spirituality. How do I know? I have been diagnosed and am in recovery.
Let’s visit the unfolding of this addiction through my eyes:
I was miserable, lost, low self-esteem, and suicidal. I did not feel valued or loved by anyone. Counseling seemed to offer temporary relief. Then, I began to study people who were happy and peaceful, and thought surely I could have what they have. I knew enough from the business world, to be successful, I emulated successful people and that worked brilliantly. Oprah had opened her show up to the Spiritual realm, interviewing well known leaders. I was mesmerized by their wisdom. It started with “The Four Agreements” with Don Miguel Ruiz. I went through Dr. Wayne Dyer, and countless others became my mentors. Awareness with action. It worked. I became voracious in my quest for personal freedom. Each breakthrough translated into a better life, better choices, and feeling even better. I have natural leadership/mentoring skills myself, and as I learned, teachable concepts would organically organize themselves, enabling me to share with others.
This is not an easy journey. It required huge amounts of vulnerability, looking straight into the mirror at all of me, and accepting and loving me anyway. Many moments of defeat plagued this journey, but somehow grace arrived in an infinite number of forms, and the continued benefit to my life made it worth every difficult second. Going back to living in complete despair? No Way!
Then, the brilliant radiance of “the crossover” occurred. The work takes root and living in confident magnificence of my Divine self becomes natural. Even better than that, my Divine gifts became more and more apparent. This is where my spirituality turned into an addiction. I did not take a moment to breathe, let the current wisdom sit for a while. I wanted more and more and more. Every spiritual mentor I visited, recognized my tenacity, but they also admonished me to ground. I did not know what it meant to ground? Not sure what to do about grounding, I fixated on how my transformation was so grand, that I wanted this for everyone!
I cannot want freedom for someone more than they want it for themselves. When I do and I act upon this, it is called spiritual bullying. I did not do this with everyone. In fact, I am usually kind and compassionate in sharing any wisdom I have gained from my journey. But, there are some that I pushed my way in, energetically demanding change. How does it feel to the other person? They feel unaccepted and judged, not helped. Ugh. The opposite of my good intentions.
After a few times of this ugly experience, my spirit felt so gross, I could not ignore it. The Divine sent many peers and mentors my way to help me see, and one day, the terms spiritual bullying and addiction stared me in the face. Sometimes it has to get really ugly for me to fully get it and change. Those words were far from what I wanted to be.
I have learned the hard way, that we are also human, having a human experience. We can be both spiritual and human, balanced. The two are interwoven. I am practicing the art of this balance as the awareness of my addiction became abundantly clear.
I learned about completely accepting people where they are without judgement. Who am I to have any say in another person’s life or choices? I cannot crawl into their experience and determine anything for them. Yes, I have gained wisdom, clarity, intuition, and empathic gifts as I have cleared out the crap and opened to the Divine. But, only when I am asked for guidance, do I give it. Sometimes, I am to just be, and listen, not saying a thing. Sometimes, I am to receive. Each encounter is a beautiful opportunity for any or all options.
My blog is a great way for me to share my journey, uncensored. I trust that whoever is led to read it, will read it, and that is great.