This blog could sound depressing……at first. Bear with me and keep reading.
Many complain about the rising Divorce rate. I am actually surprised it is not higher. I am grateful for it too, for maybe it can be a catalyst for us to get our s–t together! Maybe we will finally decide to look in the mirror, instead of ignoring it everyday. Instead of going to find another person who gives us the value we do not have ourselves, or help us forget our secret wounds, until that ends in demise as well. And it will. The fairytale drug (previous Vlog) will wear off, and we will become disenchanted, AGAIN! Until, we say to ourselves, “Oh, they weren’t the right person, I will try someone else. Let’s get back online and start dating immediately. Oh boy, he likes me. Good, I feel good again.”
No surprises. This merry go round, ridiculous cycle, is why I am here. We cannot change our lives until we change us. If we do not take time to see why we chose someone so completely incompatible to ourselves, or discover why our self-esteem was so low to think we deserved such an awful relationship, we will continue the pattern. Mentors, like myself, or any other person who has actualized their self-love actively in their life, can be a support and help us see the truth, so we can transform our inside, transforming our outward life.
I have been divorced twice. I love divorce. My divorces were acts of self-love. I finally had enough self-love to remove myself from emotionally toxic, abusive situations. Sure, I made a marriage vow. But, I made a vow when I had extreme low self-worth, so I chose someone I felt I deserved. He had low self-worth too, his simply looked different than mine. His was arrogant, mean, and rude. Mine caused me to feel incredibly insignificant, to retreat, and crumble into a hopeless ball. Until…I grew some self-love and declared “Enough!” I speak of my first marriage, I tried for 7 years. I tried communicating, begged for counseling. He refused. My values were not important to him. In fact, his poor choices were taking me down his horrible spiral, a place I knew I did not belong. Yippe for Divorce!
When your partner refuses to grow with you, after loving, generous attempts to offer growth together, I believe in divorce. Staying will take you down with them, Staying contradicts your heart. No matter how many friends you have, and how strong your faith, staying tears your soul apart.
Because the Masses are terrified of these 2 things:
1. Looking in the Mirror
the divorce rate will remain high, daters will settle so they don’t have to go to bed alone, and on and on with the vicious cycle.
Other options for the masses are to dive into work, or numb out with alcohol, drugs, prescription drugs, food, working out too much…you name it….ANYTHING TO DISTRACT US FROM LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AND CHANGING.
To prove my point, I married too soon after my first divorce. To soon, because I did not take enough time to look in the mirror and heal my wounds. I had just barely begun. I still did not know myself and any requirements I would need and desire in relationship. I completely blamed my first husband. Granted, he was very unconscious, thus awful, but I was unconscious too and did not take the time to discover why I would choose such a man. I chose such a man because I never felt valuable as a child, hence married someone to keep me in that negative space. I was comfortable not feeling loved, until one day I woke up and realized I was valuable.
If this story resonates with you at all, if you are stuck or settling, I suggest clicking on “My Greatness” and “the Compatibility Compass,” at the top of my website. These 2 simple diagrams will awaken you immediately. The next step is yours, ACTION! I can help with action steps through Mentoring or any of my blogs give you new thoughts and beliefs to practice new empowering actions and behaviors so you can grow in your Self-Love. Greater Self-Love and Self-Worth = Better Choices!
My book “Rejection: tales from a recovered Man Addict” is highly entertaining and enlightening. amazon.com kindle kindle for iPad
My e-journal “10 Steps to Greatness” can be your personal Mentor, walking you through the steps I took to embrace Magnificent Me!
You Can Do It! You were not meant to settle. You were meant to be Vibrant and Whole, living YOU and your Magnificent Gift!
Stay tuned for next week….we discover more truth about settling. Settling happens later, no one settles in the beginning….
Release to Unleash!
Are you settling?
Will you believe in yourself enough, care enough, to look in the mirror and change?