No One Begins Settling…that comes Later part 2
I shared last week that the masses settle. Divorce is high because people think they are settling. Things seem so hard and incompatibilities are so high, they wake up one day and realize they must get out. If they don’t take time to look in the mirror, realize why they chose such an incompatible mate in the first place, the likelihood of repeating the incident is extremely high.
Let’s expound on this settling process. Put your scuba gear on, cuz we’re going deep. When you chose that mate, in the very beginning, you were not settling. There was something you needed to learn from that person. You actually had something very much in common with that mate, most likely unhealed wounds. If you check out any of my WTF: Dating and Relationship series videos, I describe how the walking wounded are dating. We can use dating as an opportunity to heal wounds.
Here is where it gets tricky. You both have wounds. After the fairytale drug wears off, which occurs at the beginning of every new relationship, it is highly likely your mate will trigger your wounds. This is a gift. Yes, a gift to awaken you to heal that stupid wound once and for all. For example, when I married my first husband, my wound was low self-worth. He basically ignored me and did not value me or my opinion. That is not a quality anyone wants in their mate, so it sounds natural to say, “I settled.” I did not settle. I chose according to exactly where I was at the time. In fact, I had an opportunity to be with someone that treated me beautifully and I rejected him. I did not feel good enough about me yet. I chose someone that would keep me in my comfortable, yet ugly space of feeling bad about me. As time went on, I grew, I somehow realized my worth and that I deserved someone who valued me too. He chose not to grow or recognize my worth. If I had stayed, then I would be settling. I left him and grew more.
I had a lot of growing yet to do. I chose another mate that treated me slightly better, but still did not value me. He was funny, very funny. Funny only gets you so far, I realized. We were highly incompatible in lifestyle, financially, and spiritually. See the kind of decisions we make when we do not have the self-worth to choose wisely? I continued to grow, creating more and more self-value while in that relationship. To stay with him, I would have settled. My Soul was aching to expand and be the girl writing these blogs, helping others realize their worth. I had to leave, and it has been glorious. Now, I am soaring and dating with confidence. It can actually be fun here. (More on that in another blog.)
Every experience, every person in our life, offers an opportunity to grow, to be better, become more conscious. When you realize your settling, it’s time to make some decisions.
First ask yourself:
1. Why did I choose this mate?
2. What does he trigger in me?
3. Do I want to heal it and will he/she come with me and heal too?
If you choose to heal and keep moving forward toward embracing your Magnificence and your mate refuses, then most likely the relationship will need to be terminated. Our earthly perspective says that’s bad. I couldn’t disagree more.
Release to Unleash
Do you see how you do not settle in the beginning of a relationship?
Have you grown and your mate not joined you?