Labels, Judgements, and Assumptions: Ugh!
“How was your date?” My friend Outgoing would ask.
As I replied, she continued her questioning.
Outgoing: “What does he do?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Outgoing: “How long has he been divorced?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Outgoing: “Where does he live?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Outgoing: “Is he a republican or democrat?” (A very important question for her.)
Me: “Ha Ha, that’s funny. Of course I have no idea.” I smile as she is smiling, hands in the air, shaking her head at my style of getting to know someone, or not getting to know someone as she would interpret it.
These exchanges would occur every time I met someone new. I think we conversed this way just to tease each other and laugh at our differences.
Outgoing is the best networker on the planet. It is what she does and she is great at it. I, on the other hand, stink. It simply is not my way. I maintain my clientele through referrals. We all have our way. Our dating methods reflect our different styles of getting to know people too. What Outgoing and I have in common is a positive attitude, drive, incredible work ethic, and we love what we do.
Outgoing enjoys discovering the above questions about someone. It is interesting to her. And because I know her generous attitude and the kindness of her heart, she does not judge their answers. I, on the other hand, do not discover these things until I have attained a greater sense of a person’s heart and their life’s desires and passions. After meeting someone, I will most likely know your favorite foods, where you would travel on a moments notice, what stirs you to action, an author that moves you, or how you spend your leisure time.
I have found many people are triggered by certain information and have rules about such facts. For example, if someone may be divorced less than a year, many people will not date such a person because they believe one needs much more time to heal before they are ready to be in a serious relationship again. Even age can conjure certain assumptions. Any label or title can elicit judgements that may not be true. I never set out to learn about people the way I do, it is a natural part of my being and I love that about me. I think it is one of the reasons why people feel so comfortable sharing with me. Even when I do discover resume type information, I am much more interested in unveiling the soul behind that list. I want to know who you are now. Later I can discover how the present you came to be. I prefer to unfold myself in a similar fashion.
Check out how labels, judgements, and assumptions reminded me of why I dislike them so much in the following story.
Frazzled from overworking in order to take the weekend off so my son and I could go to 6 Flags in CA, I ran into the computer room at my complex to print out our park passes before hitting the road. A friendly, chatty man sat working in the chair next to me. He was commenting out loud his frustration from lack of employment. My mind was elsewhere and having difficulty navigating the site I was on, making me unable to provide him my full attention. I did not want to be rude though, as he probed how long I had lived there. He continued with typical questions, the kind I just described above, the kind that do not tickle my fancy. When I shared I was a hairstylist and author, he was immediately interested in what I author, but talked quite extensively, making me unable to respond. Something about writing for the Lord was mentioned by him. Somehow, out of his pontification came the question, “Do you fellowship?” he asked. Because of my childhood religion, I could guess what he was getting at, but not wanting to assume, I asked, “What do you mean.” Again, with great verbosity and without leaving room for me to explain, he basically assumed that because I asked him that question, I do not have a similar faith as he, I do not go to church, and he said that was “sad.” Keep in mind, he spoke without taking a breath, so there was not an opportunity for me to reply. When he finally finished, I smiled, looked at him and said, “It is not sad. I need to get going, but you can check out my website and see what I write about. Have a great day.”
What I think is sad, is people like him that make broad assumptions. I do fellowship. I have beautiful, lovely, kindreds in my life that I meet with regularly. My soul thirsts for the love and wisdom I gain from being in “fellowship” with them. I have created a positive exchange of sharing everyday in my salon, making the salon experience one that is uplifting for me and my clients. I intentionally orchestrate a life of joy and happiness and am passionately driven to ignite that same drive in anyone that desires the same for themselves, but does not quite know how to get there.
The narrow minded is profoundly unfortunate to me. I believe their world is smaller. I believe they miss out on amazing people. The man in the computer room thought he had me pegged by one word, that is sad. I know I am here to share my gifts with the world, spreading love and inspiration, equipping others to do the same. I could not possibly achieve any progress if I made assumptions rather than deeply cared to discover hearts.
Labels, judgements, and assumptions make me go “ugh.” I love the person, it is the block judgements create that I dislike. I am ready and willing anytime to share my love and gifts with you and discover yours, but we can only do it if we both are on board. Are you on board?
Release to Unleash!
Do you catch yourself making assumptions about people without really knowing them?