I Wish I Could Take It Back!
You know those emails we send when we’re in a fit of frustration…
Those emails that we wish we could retrieve the second after we press the send button?
Oh, but it felt so good to write it and send it…for less than a second. We know the moment we pressed send we just created a defensive situation, added fuel to the fire, and stirred that pot to boiling.
The writing part when upset is very cathartic. It is in sending them where trouble brews.
Whenever we have any anger, resentment, frustration, hurt, or pain, the best course of action is to NOT engage with the party we are blaming for these emotions. Until we get a handle on our emotions, and can communicate from a healthy perspective, we need to either call, text, or email an accountable/trusted friend with our frustration, or have a chat with God.
Often times, our frustrations appear to be legitimate. We were treated unfairly. We demand better treatment and we’re going to force our ugly attitude with our justified opinion upon our perpetrator.
The old adage, “kill em with kindness,” does work. It really does. Silence is another amazing tool in winning. For being “right” does not always mean winning, forcing our rightness can sometimes mean losing, because we lost our cool.
I have been a big hero in the justifiable anger category lately. I have pushed that send button more often in the last month than I care to admit. I furthered my righteousness by sharing with more than one person. Almost as if I needed a team to say, “yeah, what a jerk, you were treated so unfair!” The fact is: we don’t need a team to vent to. Continuing to talk about our frustrations, keeps us in a frustrated energy space, far from healing. It took a few trusted friends and some time in prayer to wake me up to my ugly behavior. What was tricky about this one particular incident is, I knew I was to stand up for myself and hold someone responsible for admittedly breaking something of mine. It was HOW I held him accountable that was the problem, not if I should. Had I kept my anger out of it, handled it 100% professionally from the very beginning, not reacted defensively when he took a few jabs at me, I would not have lost any sleep over this ridiculous situation or sat in self-loathing for losing my cool.
When I finally came to my senses, peace washed over me and I detached from his reactions and behavior. It suddenly didn’t matter what he thought of me or what he was going to do. The only thing that mattered was my inner peace. We will never be able to control someone else. Someone will always come along and try to disrupt our peace. Situations will always appear to test our patience. Can we take the high road? The narrow road? Our society teaches revenge. As Don Miguel Ruiz teaches in “The Four Agreements,” let them have their poison. It is black magic. Don’t accept it, it has nothing to do with you. Let it go and move on with your happy life. This is true.
How to Avoid the dreaded, “I wish I could take it back.”
1. Pause. When angry, Pause. When frustrated, Pause. Give yourself a few minutes no matter what before doing anything.
2. Run the situation by a trusted friend. Not someone who placates you, it must be someone interested in your highest good and soul growth. Vent to this person, and not to a whole army, just one or two at the most.
3. Write out the email, journal it, but do not send it. Delete it. It is healthy to acknowledge our anger, but not to keep it. By writing it out, we are releasing it. Deleting it lets it go. It is as if you are saying to God and the Universe, I trust you. I trust that my loving behavior has energy waves that I’d like moving through the cosmos, as opposed to hateful revengeful energy.
4. Believe in: what comes around goes around. Their is a karmic element to this too. If we behave nasty in our justifiable anger, we are just as guilty as our perpetrator.
Sunshine and Smiles!